Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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