I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
