it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
