I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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