Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
