I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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