I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
