bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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