So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Randomize
