Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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