Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
