She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
