i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
