how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
