overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
