I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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