rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
