may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
