i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize