Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
