3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's just like the Real World with babies
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
