Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
