Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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