I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
