The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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