Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
