Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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