Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
