My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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