2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
