His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
high people should be assigned attendants
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
