i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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