Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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