I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize