apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
