I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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