I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
