i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
