dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
