my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
