Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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