i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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