i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
