i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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