I think I died a long time ago.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
