his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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