I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
