I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wear drunk well.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
