she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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