I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
