Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I FOUND THE LEGS
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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