Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
