So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
