Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
how does that bad decision feel?
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