Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to calm my uterus...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
