i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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