i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
