Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
