Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize