when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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