I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
