I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
