She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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