He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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