And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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