if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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