I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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