All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
