just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sext me about skeletons
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
