he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
