i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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