When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My bed smells like the plague
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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