I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
