When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
