your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
