Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
