my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize