you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
