Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
