One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just pee around me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize