Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she smelled like a LAN party
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
