Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
