She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is my gift to your gina
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
