I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
